What to Expect from Ego State Therapy: Working with the Different Parts of You
Have you ever said, "Part of me wants to go, but another part of me wants to stay home"? Or felt like your inner critic and your more hopeful side are constantly arguing? These are very ordinary experiences, and they're at the heart of Ego State Therapy.
If you're curious about this approach, here's what it involves and what sessions might be like.
What is Ego State Therapy?
Ego State Therapy was developed by John and Helen Watkins in the 1970s and 80s, building on earlier ideas about how the mind is organised. It's based on the view that none of us is a single, uniform "self." Instead, our personality is made up of different ego states, which you might think of as parts of you. Each has its own feelings, memories, beliefs and ways of behaving.
This is a normal part of being human. You may behave differently at work than you do with close friends, or feel like a different person when you're stressed than when you're relaxed. Most of the time these states work together smoothly.
How do trauma and difficult experiences affect these parts?
When we go through overwhelming or painful experiences, especially in childhood, some parts of us can take on protective roles to help us cope. One part might become highly vigilant, another might become a perfectionist, and another might hold painful feelings and memories so the rest of you can function.
These strategies often make sense at the time. But they can become rigid, or get "stuck" in the past, and cause difficulties later on. You might notice:
• A harsh inner critic
• Sudden, intense emotional reactions that feel younger than your age
• Feeling torn or in conflict with yourself
• Struggling with self-sabotage or procrastination
• Feeling shut down or disconnected from certain feelings
Ego State Therapy views these as parts that are doing their best, not as flaws that need to be removed.
What happens in sessions?
Sessions are collaborative and paced to what feels manageable. Common elements include:
Getting to know your parts. We explore the different states you're aware of, what they feel, what they want, and how they developed. You might give them names or describe them in your own way. There's no right or wrong way to do this.
Understanding their roles. Each part usually has a purpose, even when its behaviour is unhelpful. For example, a critical part may be trying to stop you from being rejected or hurt.
Building communication and cooperation. We help your parts understand each other and work together, rather than being in conflict. This might involve dialogue, imagery or "inner meetings."
Strengthening the resourced, adult parts of you. These states bring calm, confidence and perspective, and help care for the more vulnerable parts.
Supporting parts that carry pain. When you're ready, we help parts that are stuck in the past to feel heard, safe and updated about the present.
Will I have to relive painful memories?
Not necessarily. The emphasis is on safety, stabilisation and building internal cooperation first. You don't have to go into traumatic memories in detail, and we move at a pace that feels right.
How might I feel during and after sessions?
Many people describe the work as curious, interesting and sometimes moving. You may feel:
• More compassion or understanding towards yourself
• Emotions coming up and settling
• Some tiredness afterwards
• Insights between sessions as you notice your parts in daily life
If anything feels too intense, let your therapist know so we can slow down or change approach.
How does it compare with other approaches?
Ego State Therapy shares ideas with other "parts" approaches such as Internal Family Systems, and it can sit comfortably alongside other therapies, such as EMDR or compassion-focused work. For some people, understanding their inner world in this way makes other therapy more effective.
It's worth knowing that research on Ego State Therapy is more limited than for approaches like CBT or EMDR. A good therapist will be open about this and will discuss with you what's likely to be most helpful.
How long does it take?
This varies a lot, depending on your history, what you'd like to change, and how you prefer to work. We'd review your progress together regularly and adjust as we go.
Taking the first step
Many people find it a relief to realise that their inner conflicts aren't a sign something is "wrong," but a sign that parts of them have been working hard to cope. If you're curious about whether this approach could help, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. You can contact me using the Contact button above.
This article is for general information and isn't a substitute for professional advice or treatment. If you're in crisis, please contact your GP, call NHS 111, call Samaritans on 116 123, or dial 999 in an emergency.